Sunday, August 19, 2007

Everyone's Favourite Marxist

Groucho Marx (above), one of the funniest men who ever lived, died exactly thirty years ago today. Here's some of my favourite Marxist lines. I hope they raise a smile!

I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.

I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago...I shot my broker.

Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it!

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made.


Charlie Marks said...

Thanks for this Neil, it made me smile -- and laugh a few times. I love the Marx Brothers -- I swear that as a kid I believed Karl to be the fourth. Groucho's my favourite Marxist, and my second favourite Marx...

Anonymous said...

"Everyone's Favourite Marxist" makes one wonder who the antonym could be. Any ideas, after Stalin, Mao, Kádár, Hoxha etc?

Charlie Marks said...

Norman Geras?