Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Life on Planet Neo-Con

I expect you're as excited as I am to hear that Sir David Attenborough is going to make one last series before he finally retires. In the new Radio Times, television's greatest naturalist talks of the challenges of making 'Life on Planet Neo-Con' which begins on BBC1 next month.
In each of the six episodes, Sir David will introduce us to a different creature from Planet Neo-Con. In week one, he looks at The Pollard- a large, roly-poly type animal- whose cuddly appearance hides a fierce temper and petulant temperament. The Pollard, as Sir David explains, is a creature of habit- every 31st December he can be heard screaming ' I hate New Year's Eve'- and every spring he can be heard shouting 'I want a war! 'I want an illegal invasion of a sovereign state which doesn't threaten Britain'.
In episode two, Sir David introduces 'The Shawcross'. The Shawcross is not so easy to spot as 'The Pollard' and only seems to come out of his lair when an illegal invasion of a sovereign state is in the offing. Then he can be seen perched on every sofa of every television studio in Planet Neo-Con, explaining how the country the US President is currently threatening is the biggest threat to world peace since er.. the last country the US President was threatening. In episode three, we meet 'The Kamm', a strange reptilian creature who can often be found staring at its reflection in the ponds and lakes of Planet Neo-Con. The Kamm, as Sir David explains is an animal of limited intelligence- but limitless self-regard- and woe betide other inhabitants of Planet Neo-Con who fail to greet him with the words' Your book on 'anti-totalitarianism really was the best thing I have read since Crime and Punishment' .
More on the other wierd and unwonderful creatures of Planet Neo Con tomorrow.......


Anonymous said...

Kamm calling you a bear of very little brain really got to you didn't it? That's promising, it shows for once you've read something he's written.

Have you given the Torygraph its money back yet?

Neil Clark said...

Give the Telegraph its money back?
For writing critically of a book which the neo-conservative establishment has deemed is above criticism? By making such unfounded- and unsubstantiated allegations- Oliver Kamm really is beneath contempt.

Anonymous said...

Is hunting allowed on Planet Neo-Con?
I would love to bag a Shawcross.