Everyone's Favourite Marxist

Groucho Marx (above), one of the funniest men who ever lived, died exactly thirty years ago today. Here's some of my favourite Marxist lines. I hope they raise a smile!

I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.

I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago...I shot my broker.

Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it!

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made.