Groucho Marx (above), one of the funniest men who ever lived, died exactly thirty years ago today. Here's some of my favourite Marxist lines. I hope they raise a smile!
I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.
I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago...I shot my broker.
Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped.
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it!
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made.